Neptune and death...

The cycle of Neptune spans about 164 years and stays in a sign about 12 years. These figures are not exact but approximate. Neptune last entered Piscis early in April 2011. At that time I remember being in two minds whether to go on holidays close to me in Europe or to visit family across the pond in Argentina... I went on holidays with my then husband.

Some strange things happened like a panic attack next to a cliff next to a crevice into the sea (I never in my life had panic attacks), also I attended some art classes (also did not do any art at that time) and ended up painting a spiralling line to do with my life story and the effect of my father's death (this time transiting Uranus over my natal Scorpio Sun and Mars in opposition); and all other events in my life. I also painted the scene of the panic and it looked like a woman's profile which I later attributed to being my mother's profile with a background of a setting Sun. At that time, looking backwards, all those events I related to me not listening to my deep intuition and establishing a connection to the soon event that will mark that part of my life: my mother's death about 6 weeks later.

woman and setting sun / scary cliff

This story is not time-bound. Spiral of my life...

From then on a series of episodes of depression will take me through taking antidepressants by doctor's recommendation for a few years and seeing a series of counsellors and therapists lead by my own search for meaning of what was happening in me. It took a little longer for me to enter this journey of more intense soul searching through the various teachers I engaged with since 2015 onwards.

• Brene Brown and the Living Brave Semester (2016),

• Toko-pa Turner - Belonging book club (2018), Courting the dream and Dream Walking (2019)

• Bethany Webster - the Mother wound (2019)

• TreeSisters and Clare Dubois - Inner Journey, ... (2019-2020)

• Heather Jo Flores - Permaculture women, Permaculture certificate (2020-2021)

• Chameli Ardagh - Women Wisdom school, Godess temple (2020-2022)

• Psychological Therapeutic Astrology and Human Design/ Gene keys (2022-current)

• 8th Chakra (2023) and Awake Entrepreneur Blueprint (2025) - Hemma Haridin

This journey was not only mine, the world was changing and I was just catching up with the party. I had dipped my toes in the 90's, but in all truth I had much to learn still and my needs took me elsewhere, a path I still needed to walk, the profession I had trained for, the journey of immersion in a system that will cause such a strong reaction in my body that resulted in physical illness, but that was necessary.

So, returning to present time - April 2025 - Neptune entered Aries, crossed the gap between the ending cycle and this new 164 year cycle that commences, another Argentine dies.

This time someone who I do not relate to directly, but not only that represented a hopeful change in an obsolete religion, but that was related to the story of my younger years during dictatorship. Francisco was a Pope with a vow of poverty, from the global South, who refused much of the Vatican hypocrisy. Not that the rusty, unchangeable catholic machine could be changed much, but at least he made a subtle change to the silence, he spoke for many that had been shunned so far by the church such as LGBT+, and criticised the savage targeting of the marginalised in the world, namely migrants and refugees by powers such as USA up until the last day in this plane.

It has taken me a few hours to write these few paragraphs, I am recovering from one of those colds that linger and feel like my body is clearing some old stuff out, my head is still fuzzy and my nose slightly sore, not as bad as previous few days. My meditation today included my catholic beliefs, suffering is part of being considered worthy, holy, part of life, nothing can happen without suffering, and the Christic image in the cross before the resurrection that was celebrated once more yesterday, forever imprinted in our young retinas.

But not forever, even 65 years later this can go, with Francisco who knew of this, suffering no longer is a condition for worthiness, for belonging, or for any kind of success or growth. In fact it never was, it was just a thought, an image, not a reality.

My family had a strong influence of this unconscious vibration of Neptunian energy and it shows in my Piscis Moon and Neptune conjunct Sun, both in a beautiful trine. But also my evolution towards my ascendent in Piscis calls for a purification of these old habits of suffering, be it by poverty, multiple early deaths in the family, and a loss of the real spirituality, the every day understanding of the sacredness of life in all its forms. There I am.

Hundred shades of Scorpio

Yesterday, a group of Astrologers invited me to a live video in their channel and it showed me a few things I had not seen before. (it is in Spanish I'm afraid)

As one of them was recognising Ascendent and Moon in Piscis which she shares, she mentioned being a child that weeped easily, to which I responded I wasn't. In fact I was a quiet and somewhat timid girl, but not always. To that, another astrologer, she is also a Projector in Human Design, very correctly said: because your Sun is in Scorpio, you would have known what to show and what to keep hidden when your Piscis Moon was activated. And this was something that really resonated, being aware it was not safe to show my sensitivity, and also well informed by my Saturn square Moon, I was able to appear unfazed in the face of adversity even when inside there was a tornado, or rather an ocean of emotions threatening overflow.

This is a mechanism that is still very much functioning and I wonder if, it is a recurring pattern that is somewhat responsible for my multiple reservations about communication with my closest family and my long ago and my more recent ex-husbands. I also wonder if it influences that very Neptunian and Piscean inability to see and establish boundaries.

In a way, understanding how far my silence has gone to the point of becoming the most prevalent non-action in my life, not communicating. Hiding, finding another thing that I need to do, or situation / place I need to be. When fear takes over I disappear, I abandon, I leave, I become preoccupied, I spend hours out, marginalised, outside of myself...

What am I afraid of? Or even what is my inner younger self afraid of?

Again I am back in those murky waters, I do not say, I hide my real feelings... The thing is, I do not know why I am here, in this part of the world, I no longer have something that keeps me here, apart from my cats, who are not really keeping me... because I am not with them when I leave, I leave within myself...

When I descend to the dark depths, I spend sometime in fear until my eyes become accustomed to the darkness, this time varies depending on how much fear or panic of the unknown there is.

Sometimes is hours, but it it can be days, and has in the past been months or years on and off. The last deep dive lasted 3 or 4 days and eventually I felt a hand in the darkness that let me know I was not alone. Someone close reminded me of my humanity and said you are this, my friend of 47 years, since the teens, woke me up, made me notice that I could see even without light... I am so grateful... I have to say I started writing while still in fear and now is another day and my eyes are now accustomed.

Yesterday, my other very good friend, (both women live in countries very far away, half a day air travel), had completed 86 solar returns, a very wise and visionary woman, another Projector by Human Design, Sun in Scorpio and Asc in Virgo conjunct Neptune and Moon in Cancer conjunct Chiron, she continues to serve the collective with her wisdom.

I am forever grateful for having these women in my life and many more.

From reaCtivity to Creativity

In my dream last night a woman professor was revising essays, I was awaiting with other students close to her, she gives me mine after a period of observing it and says - You need to write about living with low-income...

I was confused, I was not sure why she would say that, how was this relevant? Is it so I don't get charged lots of money? Is it so people who live with low income can identify and perhaps feel different, connected, heard...? Perhaps is to give space to the part of myself that I spent years denying or even running away from as fast as I could. The consequence was to forget about myself in order to make sure I have enough money not to be worried, but at what cost?

I did speak about it in one of the talks I attended to on this week Festival of Debate, I cannot recall which one (probably Flourishing) but I was trying to explain having low income does not mean you only have basic needs, you still have other needs like creativity, making sense of life, opportunities... somebody said... do not separate or exclude because you think they/we are just hungry for food...

That day and that evening I felt emotions I had not felt for a while, it was an excitement, sensual creativity from the centre of myself... How long has it been? May be 20 may be 30 years or more? May be I felt it on and off for years, but got a little crushed under the reality around me, the health needs of people living with low income: be of money or connections they had lost.

One very valuable thing I got from the time I committed myself to running away from money poverty was connecting with the people that were suffering from one reason or another. I could not take away the suffering but I could connect even if for a single conversation in a consulting room at a hospital. When I decided to leave the profession I felt what I would miss most was that connection. Not the work, not the colleagues, it was not hard to leave, it was freedom, but it could also be hard to find my real tribe. I did not think I would suffer isolation because there is no worst isolation than one can feel in a crowd, or even more in an institution you give most of your life to.

So, what does the title from reactivity to creativity means? I realised while journaling that is the same word with the letter c in a different position. In fact, I was writing in Spanish: "reactividad" and "creatividad". I was saying that trying to run away from something..., or reactivity, is not the best value or motivation to move in life, and I as looked I realised it was showing me to change the position of that letter c into creativity. Creativity, or the ability to listen to what our soul really wants, is a better value or motivation to move in life. Creativity, I am being shown, is to recognise and incorporate into our life those parts of ourselves that hold treasure even if that time of our life feels painful. Even if we felt victims of the circumstances.

When I wrote that, I realised I was answering one question that Pablo Flores asked me when teaching with my natal chart, which of you parents had Neptune energy? and I could not answer. He said to me: this is your homework, you have Moon in Piscis trine with Sun conjunct Neptune, your parents... in one way or another had that energy, once you can answer that question then you will understand better who you are... That really impacted me, but to give a good example of how understanding works for me as a reflector, I had that comment a little over two Moon cycles ago, it was said on 27th of March and today is 26th May and the coin drops.

Even more on human design, studying transits I see that overnight I had a defined channel as the Moon was transiting gate 58 of Joy and Vitality in the Root center which, with my defined gate 18 of Wholeness and Healing in the Spleen centre, completes the channel of Judgement, even if just for those 10 or 11 hours the Moon energises it. I was course correcting overnight, "eagle eying" what could go wrong (18) and receiving the vitality (58) necessary to act on it. My younger self was asking, she was giving me permission to go there and correct, to use my resources well.

When you do things for you soul

you feel a river moving in you,

a Joy.

Rumi

Note: in Gene Keys, my purpose sphere is 49, this reads as Reaction, Revolution, Rebirth, and it represented one of the most important learnings of my journey through this complex discipline. It is the only Gene Key I know well and it is because I understand reactivity (or Reaction), very well from experience. But also because it helps understand conflict, inner and outer, tribalism, including killing and war. It is a scary shadow side and one we continue to see playing in our world even stronger now with the very painful genocides in many countries like Congo and Palestine, and many more we hear less from. I firmly believe if we do not heal this conflict/war inside ourselves, they will continue to happen.