Lilith

Having worked in many of the complexities of my psyche helped by studying my natal chart, here I am again being triggered by other's occult anger. The force that this trigger awakens reveals something I am now used to ask: what hidden/ unconscious part of myself is this person showing me?

When I think of the type of person that currently are triggering some sort of strong emotional response, being fear, anger, frustration, envy, they have something in common, the energy of the sign where I have Lilith placed in my natal chart.

I know the different versions of Lilith myth, in the various versions what happens is exile, whether chosen or imposed (like the church tells it), she leaves paradise (or the conscious world) to go and exert some sort of revenge for not being heard or respected. This is followed by various "tos and fros" between the male gods who are not happy with her and Lilith who does not bow to their laws. The story has massive killing of children whether Lilith's children by the male gods or other's children by Lilith retaliation.

In a way these all talks about killing our own creation, hiding our truth, repressing what is not easy to show the world, making what we believe to be unsavoury a secret, living in the hidden/ the unconscious. And I know that what we do not make conscious and integrate as part of who we are, ends up driving our behaviour, emotions or thoughts, looking for a way out.

I am writing because precisely my Lilith is the house of communication in the sign of verbal communication. In my natal chart Lilith is in degree 9 of Gemini, in the 3rd house and aspected to Mercury in degree 9 of Sagittarius, so they are in exact opposition. My thinking and communication with my peers is hidden. I feel I am not going to be heard or understood, so I am very choosy with what I say and sometimes I chose to stay silent. I do not say what is in my mind and my mind is hyperactive understanding even the most subtle. But it is always looking for reasons, arguments, it is defensive, defiant, sharp, armed to my teeth with answers to show them when they are wrong and when they are unfair or unjust. In a couple of conversations I heard Lilith has the intensity of Pluto and the sharpness of Urano.

Here is where the question comes, even if there are good reasons for feeling unheard or misunderstood, what makes the reaction so strong? In what way am I not listening to myself to take me at this level of anger? What I am not seeing, what was that I chose to hide?

I need to have a way to express myself and this is the start. I am glad I got triggered because I have now started this, a child of Lilith, finally started to write a blog.